Harps And Lyres

Purpose can lose his way twice,

Sorrow can burn a great desire

Ego can fly above the sky,

And watch you burn on your funeral pyre

The numbered days of man are few,

His mundane desires reach higher and higher

But even in dread, fine music we make,

For we are God's own harps and lyres.



Undermined, we let our trying selves down,

Settling for rocks when we can reach the clouds.

For the wonders we are, we quickly forget,

In the deserts of regret, we cry aloud.

The sparkling soul, we enslave to perversion,

Exposing our minds for public hire.

But even in the wilderness, fine music we shall make,

For we are the Almighty's own harps and lyres.



Touch the leper, his unseen wounds,

Offer him the love, he has never had.

Accept the prostitute, heal her insanity,

For who are you to judge the good and the bad?

If love is conditioned, it's power is lost,

The ego will quench it's healing fire

Fear no more, fine music we will make,

For we are the creator's own harps and lyres.



Screamjack

Life's

The sweet-eyed woman has sung her song,

The dying man shows his waking eyes,

I bleed in the middle of a memory,

Swallowing life’s great old truths and lies!



The pangs of reality tormenting me,

I tear down the walls of insanity,

The pearl woman picks up my dying soul,

I embrace the shoulders of her chastity.

Oh life’s wonders that lure my eyes,

Great yet unable to stitch my soul!

I wander the wilderness of dread and death,

Remembering the hearts I sinfully stole.



This darkened night, fills my mind,

With sorrow beyond the hope of ages!

Enough is mine, enough is much!

No more I wish for the devil’s wages.



Screamjack

Believe In Heaven

Hurt and blued, your faith’s been stoned,

Can’t find your limbs to stand again?

Did the blue eyed woman and the deceitful downer,

Always have your money spent?

Have no more hope that you can sell?

All your desires sought yet not?

Have all your friends turned to birds

And left you to lose the battles you’ve fought?

Accept the faith you cruelly rejected,

The truth in your youth you termed a lie

If you wish your tears never be wasted,

Believe in heaven, till the day you die



Screamjack

Light Will Come

Here I stand, alone as a stone,

With tears so warm, yet so cold

My heart that bleeds, so sorrow-stricken,

I listen to tales, so mournfully told

A day of sorrow, a day of strife,

Darkness prevails, more hurt is to come

In the arms of the wind, I take refuge,

For I know somehow, the light will come



Waters poisoned and truths twisted,

The jinx on time that makes it perpetual

When the end is all that my soul desires,

In the middle of this great salvation ritual

The limbs of joy brutally wounded,

Revenge prevails, in the minds of some

In the mystery of faith, I take refuge,

Because I know, the light will come



If life is lived, relative to history,

Miss we will the sting of the new

If hatred we cradle with blinded eyes,

On our souls will condense unwanted dew

We have strayed too far from the real truth,

Exiled purpose to the wilderness of glum

In the moonlit night, I take refuge,

For evident it is, the light will come



Battles we forged with great ambition,

Running after sinful and hollow desires

Mistakes we hid in created shadows,

And watched the innocent burn on pyres

The sense of sin wittingly altered,

The distant warning, a beating drum,

In the final judgment, I take refuge,

For true it is, the light will come!


Screamjack

Numbers And Flowers

The struggle, the great old war of ages,

That has stained the soul of man forever,

Mysticism that fuelled the soul of man,

Imprisoned in the cells of logic and reason!

Numbers and flowers spinning around,

In the fresh air of freedom, free will

Death will have his day of victory,

But salvation will come with his gift of eternity!



Expression is the key to human evolution,

And faith, the manual for life and more

Truth is what is easily defined,

But real truth, forever, a mystery!

Men have words, and men have desires,

The luxury to choose, numbers or flowers

Men have hopes and men have dreams,

But only as much, as the horizon allows.



Love and peace, war and hate,

Forever has been, the great debate

The cost of blood finds no sense,

Lies and treachery walking with us!

Wounded souls, sadly ignored,

All material causes, constantly tended

Numbers and flowers, floating, floating,

In the free air of wonder, free will!



The glowing woman, her burning desire,

The dreaming man, the hopeless romantic

The love from heaven, the hatred from hell,

The final battle, between reason and religion!

The democrat stumbles, the king dishonest,

The mind of man, stripped and shamefully exposed

The final judgment soon approaches,

What do you choose, numbers or flowers?



Screamjack

Untitled Expression

Define the wind, define red and define green. But this is what I choose to define, I choose to define the undefined. Insanity is the illusionary security that cradles me in its comforting arms. I tried to sell my faith to what I believed was comfort, but all I got was a puzzle, that only led to infinity. Life is a thousand pages of poetry, a piece of art that portrays the extreme intimate expression that man holds in the secret lairs of his heart,

I don’t believe in the defined, I don’t trust the definite. My heart is adventurous and what I choose is mystery and adventure. For if life is all about comfort, what do I have to look forward to, what would I have left to do? Here is my verdict, the conclusion I have decided to make my peace with, life is undefined, a small little piece in a great puzzle of self-contradictory definitions. Complexity is a blemish that has led to this honest insanity we term as civilization. Civilization is the greatest hallucination mankind has experienced at the hands of stability-craving maniacs. This is not my outlet for some random thought that struck my curious conscience but an honest opinion that has forced itself out of my wandering heart. See, hear, my words are rebellious, but would evolution ever occur if rebellion never existed? Rebellion is the fuel of evolution!

Respect! What is respect? Isn’t it some traditional gesture? Why would I sell my originality to some idiot with great expectations! This is who I am, this is what I believe, respect is love, civilization is peace, rebellion and curiosity fuels evolution! The opinion you hold is leagues apart from my concern, but lend me your conscience my friend, for existence is one, and one is existence.



With love,

Screamjack

Sky That Shines

Closed eyes, in a blinded existence,

Bleeding thoughts that create reality

God and Earth when will commune?

I ask the hope that floats in air

Ego has died, I open my eyes,

Time surrenders at my feet

The sky that shines, the sun that dances,

All to proclaim mankind’s salvation!



If the heart is hungry, it shall eat,

If the mind is thirsty, it shall drink

But how much I wonder and how long,

Will we run the race of greed and desire?

The leaves are singing, time to hear,

Truth makes love to my wandering soul

The sky that shines, the sun that dances,

All to proclaim mankind’s salvation!



Peeling the layers of colored reality,

I see the men who worship hypocrisy

Creating the ocean of my imagination,

I swim and I swim for all eternity

If I sell my mind to mundane desires,

How will I touch the skies of salvation?

If my ego I nourish how will I know?

If the truth is real or a false projection

So I forget the colors of my former reality,

And take my place as the drop in the ocean

The sky that shines, the sun that dances,

All to proclaim mankind’s salvation!



Screamjack

Roses And Blood

Oh I know, the good and bad,

The soul market, the tinted lies,

The twisted clown, his nose in action,

The captured man with his heaven needle

The teenage boy, his bloodshot eyes,

The desperate man, his darling bottle

Somehow the world a great old ocean,

Salted with sweet red roses and blood



Yes I know, the charming lady,

Her secret desire that burns so slowly

The teenage girl, her bleeding lip,

Torn by some ungrateful thorn

The clever man who tries to fly,

But instead swims in his pool of science

Somehow the world a great old ocean,

Salted with sweet red roses and blood



Fattened calves and the new born baby,

Equated in a great divine sacrifice

Pain for pleasure, misery for comfort,

The mighty spinning wheel of trustworthy reason

The senseless poet, the wise philosopher,

Both choose lies with different intents

Somehow the world a great old ocean,

Salted with sweet red roses and blood



I know, I feel, your beating heart,

Hungry for heaven, thirsty for love

Asking the wind your dearest questions,

With faith that stands like a peak-less mountain

Do not fear the cliffs of doubt,

The answer has yes, almost arrived

Somehow the world a great old ocean,

Salted with sweet red roses and blood



The clouds can float, the sun can rise,

But do you know that you can live?

The Earth can move, the stars can twinkle,

But do you know that you can love?

The wind is singing, begin to dance,

Heaven has opened, open your eyes

Somehow the world a great old ocean,

Salted with sweet red roses and blood



Screamjack

Magic Magic: Part One: Psilocybin Hills: Chapter Two: Reaching Reality

If the sunrise is sincerely experienced, the human soul can be touched by divine fingers that heal more than just wounds. It is this unrealized truth that gave us the ability to wake up to Noel’s cruel but exciting two-thirty alarm. It was difficult, but we managed it. Of course Noel was the first to rise and Tommy bu the last, but the five of us had our eyes wide open and our mouths wider, one, two, three, four, five, six and seven, yes seven more of those alien fruits had entered our toiling digestive systems only to open new gates for our adventurous minds. Darkness still prevailed as we sat cozy covered with blankets on the cold cotton bed. We had our backs against the walls and our minds against the heavens. Noel had the music equipment arranged, with honesty let me tell you, we owe those three days in the astral plane to Noel’s N95, his speakers did our ears justice.

As we began to drift away from reality, I saw red patterns emerge out of thin air and fly away to the distant meadows of infinity. ‘An hour and we’re going up to the terrace bro, get the cameras’, said Noel.

I distinctly remember that dark morning to be one of the most silent times I’ve ever experienced in my life. Somehow the dark always chose to be hostile to me, I never did him any harm, I wonder why he treated me in such a rude manner. The trip had begun, and the wondrous thing about psychedelics was the fact that every single time, the experience varied to a great extent. It was like a whole new different world. Imagine holding a leaf in the palm of your hand and then notice the ventricles on its bottom. Of course these would remain the same, but what if your mind had the ability to perceive those ventricles differently at different times? What if they seemed to resemble the Eiffel Tower one day, and the leaning tower of Pisa the next? Wouldn’t it seem so confounding?

As red dots floated and strange thoughts materialized, time had traveled a little more than two hours. It was five and the sun was readying itself for another glorious ascension.

‘Get up you fuckers, let’s go up’, said Neeloy in a sudden instant.

Something had happened, my moods were lowering beneath the levels of comfort.

‘It’s too cold bro, can we just stay here?’ This was probably the most sincere request I had made to a friend in years. ‘Bro what the fuck is wrong with you? You don’t want to miss the sunrise do you?’ said Noel, I could see how much Noel and Neeloy wanted to leave the room.

I would not oblige, even if I had to save my life, I would not leave the pleasant comfort of that warm blanket, I was afraid, afraid of nothing, and such a realization caused even more fear in me. To my great comfort, Tommy and Nikhil agreed, ‘Fuck it bro, we’ll stay here chill, it’s too dam cold’, said Nikhil. ‘Wear your sweater and your jacket, let’s go up bro, quickly, lazy fuckers!’ Noel was a little angry, or so it seemed. Either ways, Tommy, Nikhil and I stayed in the room, as for Noel and Neeloy, they climbed up the ladder to the terrace, if mushies could give me x-ray vision, I would’ve explained that more in detail, but no, these fruits gave you no super-powers, just the unrealized powers of the normal human mind.

I was experiencing a very strange confusion! Paranoia, estrangement, fear, insanity, euphoria and the color red were the ingredients of a sandwich my mind had eaten.

I don’t remember much of what Tommy and Nikhil were doing beside me! I loved noticing Nikhil though. I think I remember seeing him swirling his fingers around his eyes and making faces, and of course Tommy moved his eyes around to form strange faces too. It was six and the sun had risen, and in a minute a sudden current of regret filled me, I had missed the sunrise, the crazy sandwich had been excreted from my mind and I had regretted eating it! Noel and Neeloy had arrived! I could see the excitement on their faces, a sort of enlightened aura around them. The pictures taken by them were fascinating, the effects of refraction just before the sun rises is something immaculate! Just a sight of those pictures cheered me up. There are moments when joy is sinfully contagious, and that moment came around seven. The cover that had the mushrooms in it was below the television set and it seemed to have been calling out to us, almost as if it said, ‘Eat me, eat me! Eat!’ Well, crazy bastards, we ate. We popped two each first, Neeloy suggested we eat another one, so we popped one more each. It was now eight, visual hallucinations had lost their importance and thoughts were now racing at severe speeds, fluctuating at terahertz frequencies. Eight thirty and we had popped two more each. We were enjoying it, looking into the green cover, picking the mushrooms of our choice, naming them and popping them. Giving them life histories, for example Noel picked one with a big cap and a long stalk exclaiming, ‘Dam this one surely came from Mars!’ We then began to discuss the shit in which these vegetables were grown, the lethality level of bison dung grown mushrooms as compared to cow dung grown ones.

Nikhil had a very interesting thought to share with us, ‘Bro what if Sai grew these shrooms in his own shit?’ Well, laughter does great things, that question cheered us up as all five of us burst out laughing in a chorus! By nine-thirty we had popped around fifteen or sixteen of the big-capped lethal shit grown wonder vegetables following which we made our way up to the terrace. Neeloy the wonderful child that he was somehow managed to break the ladder. Of course prior to that, he tried raping a water bottle and cursed the geyser such that it stopped working.

We lay on our backs in that square terrace, watching the clouds take strange shapes. I remember seeing a warrior striking a lion with his sword, a cow trying to mate with a man who looked somewhat like Tommy, and of course red and green kept jumping around and bouncing of other clouds changing into yellow and orange. Four colors I believe always play an integral part of my mushroom trips, red, green, yellow and orange. Probably has some biological explanation behind it but truly I could never care.

There was an instant when something on Nikhil’s hand caught my attention. I began to stare at his forearm, patterns of various shapes were swimming down towards his palm, Neeloy noticed me and turned his eyes towards Nikhil’s arms following which Nikhil turned his eyes to his arms as well. The patterns intrigued me, they were fascinating, an image would form and move on Nikhil’s arm, this was a crazy world!

It was around eleven when we realized that a strange man was waiting outside our cottage, he didn’t look too friendly but by his notions it was evident he was looking for us. Prior to our terrace exploration we had ordered ten more dozens of bison dung mushrooms from Sai who promised he would arrive near Abbas restaurant in a little while. The strange man said in a hostile tone, ‘Come fast sir we waiting from that time, everyone waiting in bus come fast tour start now!’

Panic! We totally forgot! The previous morning following our arrival we booked a city tour through Das and we had paid half the amount in advance! In the present state of intense psychedelic consciousness, we were in no mood to depart on a city tour, ‘Cancel it, we are not coming’, I told the tour man. ‘Sir now no cancel, you have to come, everyone wait sir, you come now no choice, already half paid other half pay now and come, all ok sir, enjoy tour nice tour, all place you can see’, replied the taxi guide. We were dazed and in addition confused, our minds offered us no time to think, ‘Fine bro we’ll just go, I need to show my mom some pics too, we’ll take a lot of pics let’s just go’, said Tommy. After not much thought, we decided to go, we readied ourselves quickly, informed Sai that we would pick the mushies just before we left and proceeded up the road towards the tour bus. Sai was there waiting in his car, he told us he had to leave the city that day and he was in a hurry, I walked up to his car, paid him the money, dropped the two packets of mushrooms in my cargo pockets and walked to the tour bus.

As we entered the bus the driver looked at us strangely, ‘Sir please mix with everyone, enjoy tour’, was all he said. The humans in the tour van blew my mind in multiple directions, the various faces, the way they stared at us, the funny looking couples and the strange women with over-curled hair! My heart was beating at the speed of light, I knew it, yes I knew it well, we were at the beginning of a journey, not through hell, not through heaven, but through something that existed right in between!

The last row of seats was empty and they looked welcoming, as if God had booked those seats for us. To my unfortunate fate only four fit there and I had to sit somewhere in the middle of the bus beside a stranger. As we moved my thoughts took a disastrous turn. I began to think of home, to think of my parents, I asked myself if I would ever see reality again, and ‘myself’ answered no! I looked behind at my four fellow inter-dimensional travel comrades, I felt separated from them, ‘will they remember me?’

It is funny how fear grips the human mind to such an extent that the littlest of aspects can cause the most immensely hurtful feelings! I felt like life was over, I had forgotten the return-route to reality and I had forgotten the usual beliefs that comforted me in times of stress! But thank heaven it lasted not too long, we had reached the first destination and it was some kind of forest with strange trees! Timber or sandalwood or Teak, I really didn’t know, but the trees fascinated me! As soon as we stepped out the bus we lit our cigarettes! This is what I believe, when hope is thin and imagination wild, it is just a humble cigarette that forms the fine line between reality and insanity.

The forest place was beautiful, it had a stream of cold water flowing, fresh and clear, it was pretty. I felt surrounded by elements from heaven, as if the creator had picked up the five of us and dropped us in some alternate existence!

We clicked a few pictures and left to the next destination. Few more places we were taken to. It was the uncomforting time in the van that was very disturbing! I could see frustration on the faces of my friends, they were restless. Being confined to a single seat when your mind is overflowing with psychedelic energy is like being imprisoned beneath the ocean bed, but we were helpless. The driver turned on the music system only to output a few Tamil numbers that were gravely annoying! I felt like we were being kidnapped, taken in a space ship through some distant galaxy filled with earthly trees and twisted thoughts. We arrived at the spot where we would eat our lunch, it was beautiful. There were hills all around and the greenery was as green as it could get and the sky bluer than ever before! I raised my hands up towards the sky and felt the wind blow against my face, Neeloy tried running down a slope and doing a few other things, we lay on the grass for five minutes following which we ate our lunch in some highway dhaba, Things were starting to make sense now, I was eating food, that was something relative to reality which was very comforting. We were then taken to a temple right at the peak of a hill following which we were taken to another forest area which was infested with monkeys, few meek, many wild. I remember eating an omelet there with the others when it had started to slightly drizzle. We had another cigarette after which we entered the tour van which then led us to a chocolate store beside the main Kodaikannal Lake. We bought a few chocolates to take home and two packets of marshmallows which would be of great use later. The psychedelic feelings had started to wear of, but I could still feel those currents running in me. The city tour had started above hell and ended beneath heaven, we had one last step to take and we would reach our final destination. We returned to our cottage and completed the ritual we had begun around thirty-six hours ago. We popped another six mushrooms each, with the marshmallows along with them to sweeten our mouths, and took the final leap to the heart of heaven, we had made it, the red dots all fit, the pieces of thought in my head combined to solve the great puzzle, purpose had returned, joy too back from exile! It was about nine-thirty when we decided to leave the cottage again for dinner.

However it seemed that Abbas restaurant, as well as every other shop around had been shut except the smoke shop. The smoke shop vendor called us a taxi who would take us to the city to buy ourselves a little dinner. The only two Tamil-speaking men that was me and Nikhil boarded the taxi as we left for the city and bought us parotas, chicken and a few omelets. As the taxi dropped us of up the road from our cottage Nikhil and I decided to sit on the footpath for a while and just enjoy the atmosphere.

This was a moment I would never forget, we sat there, all the boundaries in life dissolved in two days of mental adventure, the little beauties like the greenness of a leaf and the intricacy of a bed-cover design we learned to appreciate with immaculate honesty. The stars that night were a few more than a trillion, the sky was glowing. We sat there eating the omelets telling each other what a few vegetables actually performed in our curious searching minds. The highway was desolate, not a single soul that night would disturb our holy realization! Life was about appreciation, about enjoying the little things, learning to overcome the great sorrows and strife that torment us every moment, learning to find peace with ourselves. We returned to the cottage and ate our parotas with Noel, Neeloy and Tommy.

Two days had passed! Fifteen to twenty joints and almost four dozens of mushrooms consumed by each of the explorers present in that cottage! Man is born for adventure, not to accomplish but to experience, not to criticize but to appreciate, irrespective of what the external world seems to be. The perception of life is a choice, which lies in the hands of every individual. I was never a person who believed it is a necessity to consume a substance to discover the truths behind life and such a person I never will be, however, what I experienced those two days was different, was something beyond the realms of social stability and collective concern.

That night we decided that we were done with the mushrooms, we would not indulge in the same the following day.

When man has experienced something beyond the boundaries of reality, that memory is etched in his mind forever.

The eyes of man can see great things and his ears hear ancient truths, but it is only his soul that can experience both.

Magic Magic: Part One: Psilocybin Hills: Chapter One: Strange Fruits

June 2009



‘Imagine the sky was so close, you felt you could touch it. Imagine seeing heaven with earthly eyes. Imagine a land, which homed fruits so strange, you could travel beyond the boundaries of space and time’. Kodaikannal fit that description, beyond the perceptions of accuracy. It’s simply the easiest thing in the world to begin an expedition with four other people, with pretty much the similar state of mind as yours.

Nikhil, Noel, Tommy and I stood at that bus stop, clueless and anxious waiting for some special thing to come by. We lit our cigarettes, took up our positions and waited, it wouldn’t be too much longer. A dark hooded man walked by, the sweet three words I heard come of his lips were unforgettable. ‘Magic mushrooms sir?’ A doubtless answer almost in a chorus, ‘Yes!’ Well that was obvious, the whole intent of our expedition was getting our hands and yes of course, our minds to indulge in these strange alien-like fruits. Nikhil and I accompanied him down a very strange narrow downhill course, the dark man introduced himself as Srinivas. With a broad grin on his face he asked us to call him Sai. Ten dozens for a meager eight hundred rupees was the promised deal.

Sai had his phone glued to his ears, from what I heard he seemed to be conversing with a certain Mr. Balaji.

‘Any grass you have man?’ He asked us, the broad grin still in its glory. We had left our grass with Noel and Tommy, but as kind as he could be, Sai offered us a couple of joints, requested us to roll it as he took a walk further ahead asking us to stay. Fifteen minutes and he was back, ten dozens packed in two tiny plastic packets, the strange groundnut-cap like vegetables safe inside. Sai had seemed to have forgotten about the pot he lent us and started walking back. Two more minutes and I felt my phone vibrate, ‘Bro where the fuck are you? Das is here, we’re waiting near some church up the road’. It was Noel, Das was our local travel consultant, a mushroom taxi-man with all due respect, however very dry at the moment. Sai took us back up towards the church, offered us his phone number and walked away. The drunk bastard, as funny and interesting as he was, I would’ve preferred not his company, strange people you see, very strange, they disturb me.

Das offered us two choices, ‘Vettaikannal or Observatory Road?’ Vettaikannal seemed to be too away from the main town so we chose Observatory Road. We were taxied to our temporary three day home in Mr. Das’s Maruti Omni. He took a look at the shrooms Sai had taxied to us, ‘Not bad, I will let you know in two days if I can get more’. I honestly didn’t give a damn, the four of us were awaiting our first mushroom trip. We entered the little cottage, a level beneath the normal road level. Orange painted walls, a pretty looking door and a floor as cold as a refrigerator, seemed like the classic tripping temple, and of course, the stained walls which would play an intimate part of our arriving trip.

Now Noel he was prepared, his music-loaded phone with his computer speakers all set up(the speakers were hardly used). It wasn’t long, fifteen minutes I believe and seven of those strange-looking fuckers were swimming in our digestive systems. As I had first entered the cottage I noticed a series of dots on the wall, blue in color, and yes, they were stationary. Half hour had passed since we had popped, my eyes suddenly caught hold of a very interesting sight. The dots were not stationary anymore but moved to form a sort of infinitely running train. The dots were moving, but they were not, they were moving, but no, they were still not!

‘Bro, look at the dots!’ I exclaimed. ‘Fuck, they’re moving, they’re fucking moving’, Nikhil exclaimed, I could just feel the excitement swimming in me. Noel noticed the dots too, but Tommy, the grumpy bastard that he was, ‘What are you talking about, what dots?’

‘You fat son of a bitch, look at the dots, they’re moving, they’re fucking moving’, I yelled at Tommy. ‘I don’t see a shit’, was all he said. I didn’t bother, things had started to take a dastardly turn, these were going to be unforgettable hours.

The colors all seemed familiar, but my thoughts were running so quickly, it was hard to perceive one thing at a time. My entire being had lost its ability to perceive time and space. The feeling was overwhelming, but strangely exciting. A kind of ecstasy that no words could explain! I would have one thought that would build over itself and tend to such an infinite meaning that paranoia would set in. But another thought built on positive feelings and I would feel some mental ecstasy! Things were definitely not the same. An hour had passed and thank heaven, Tom Paul finally realized, ‘Fuck the dots are moving!’

The music seemed to swim in my mind, caressing untended corners, opening new doors.

It was when Shpongle Spores swam out of Noel’s phone-speakers, the acoustic guitar in the middle felt like an angel was stroking my soul. I looked towards Nikhil who peered into my eyes and said, ‘These fruits are magical, this is some crazy ecstasy, this is ecstasy, this is ecstasy!’ Noel seemed to be swimming in his own imagination, I distinctly remember the strange faces made by Tommy bu(I don’t know why but I still call him that). And then it struck me, the strangest feeling I ever had in my life. I felt estranged from everyone around me, I felt like I was a lone nomad traveling through the infinite dimensions of time and space. The wheel of sense had been disturbed from its pivoted position, perception had been drastically accelerated, and yes, the patterns crawling on the faces of my friends, everything was so strangely fascinating!

It was about one when it happened, I heard Noel speak the magic words, ‘The door is vibrating, it’s fucking vibrating, holy fuck it’s vibrating!’ I turned with extreme faith that the door was not vibrating, it could’ve been, but I chose not to believe so, it would just be too disturbing a fact if the door was actually vibrating! But I turned and to my disbelief with the eyes that had befriended me all my life, I saw a most unbelievable sight, the door was actually vibrating! The walls were moving and it felt like the entire cottage was taking off! The music was running from my left ear to the right, the colors were spinning, my friends were as crazy as me and the world had turned upside down! Of course that was one state of mind you can not live with forever, but that was the thought that half-killed my joy, would I ever see reality again? Such a question has an obvious answer, but when you’ve traveled a million miles away from the sweet home of meaning and purpose to a strange yet fascinating tropical rain-forest within the dimensions of your mind, even the most obvious answer can have several diversions. I guess that’s what made these mushrooms so magical, their unpredictability. Either ways, the clock had struck two and things had started to lower back down to reality suddenly. I had begun to feel sleepy, and I humbly suggested, ‘Can we all go to sleep for a while?’ Somehow this had disturbed Noel, ‘Sleep? What the fuck is wrong with you, sleep on this trip are you crazy?’

Either ways I slept for a short period of fifteen minutes and woke up to realize that the psychedelic currents flowing in my body were still as alive as me. Three had come and sleep had returned but this time to capture all four of us, we went beneath the covers to drift away to a distant dreamland, me and Nikhil in one room and Tommy and Noel shared the other. I distinctly remember the time I was wavering at the threshold of my dreams, I yelled out, ‘Noel!’ He replied, ‘What?’ And that was the last noise made in the cottage for another hour. We woke up at four and remembered that a certain Mr. Neeloy Sanyal was to arrive shortly and we were to pick him up at Abbas Restaurant up the road. Now Neeloy was the kind of person you can expect to strip down naked in the middle of a national highway and wave screaming, ‘Give me a joint please!’ He was an interesting bastard either ways, but an annoying menace if not dealt with properly.

We picked him of at the restaurant after having a tea and a cigarette, he seemed to have got a drop from some stranger, typical Neeloy. Of course we shared our adventure with him, the things we felt and saw, Tommy’s late reaction. Half hour and Neeloy had popped his seven. Forty five minutes and Sai was waiting up the road from our cottage, yes, we had called, we wanted more, plenty more! We seated ourselves in Sai’s car, another Omni, he seemed to have been accompanied by a very strange squint-eyed driver. And yes, Sai was drunk, he was drunk from the morning, he guess he was one of those guys who always smelled of alcohol.

So we drove up the hills to some distant location, Sai chattered the entire distance telling us about some strange experiences of his. The bastard was half-phony, it was evident, this guy had more shit to preach than excrete. We reached the spot and Sai had collected two thousand rupees from us, promised us twenty-five dozens. He wandered of into the distance, he seemed to have climbed up some small cliff and we were left alone with a strange squint-eyed driver in the middle of some god forsaken land.

Neeloy’s expressions portrayed the fact that the mushies had begun they’re work in his life. He looked out the window and screamed, ‘What the fuck, everything is so different, I haven’t felt like this before!’ And some more, ‘Fuck the clouds are so amazing! Everything is so different, how can this be?’ I sat facing him, Tommy bu and Noel in the Omni, Nikhil seated next to me. Neeloy fascinated me, the way he acted, his expressions, the things he was saying.

Finally the time came when the fat bastard spat out the sinful words, ‘Fuck bro, the driver looks so conked, I bet he’s bombed!’ He tugged at the driver’s shirt and asked him, ‘You also trip?’ The driver had a face that freaked me out, his squint eyes swimming around the sides of his nose he replied, ‘Yes, I do, yes only I do hashish!’ ‘Oh ok, very psyched very psyched’, Neeloy replied. Neeloy continued conversing with the driver till we reached the dangerous point when the driver realized we were being sarcastic and actually trying to fuck with him! And dam the guy knew English, at least enough to score as much as Neeloy would in his tenth grade English paper. We had pissed of the driver, and yes, it was definitely not good! He started grumbling, almost yelling at us. Explaining how people like us must have respect for elderly men like him, then he started to threaten us about how LTTE terrorists live in the woods around and that they would fuck with us! We were in such a state of mind, we’d believe anything! The guy then threatened us some more, he spoke a mixture of tamil and English, I guess he meant something like, ‘I leave you here, you go somehow, get lost, get down from car!’

Panic! Neeloy you fat son of a bitch! Noel let his temper flow, ‘Neeloy shut the fuck up and sit down, just shut the fuck up I swear I’ll leave you here and we’ll fuck of!’

‘Bro what the fuck, what did I do?’ Neeloy was astounded. Too much was happening, too much to digest, we were going to get stranded in the middle of nowhere! Panic, we called Sai, and to our pleasant surprise with all sarcasm intended Sai decided not to pick up our desperate call! Panic and some more panic. Neeloy was going crazy, the poor fellow, this must have been traumatic for him, so much tension at such an intense peak of a trip!

Either ways, we tried consoling the driver, told him we were sorry. ‘No, get out, get lost, I leave you here, Sai not coming, I going, now go, leave’. The squint bastard was serious, I couldn’t believe it. Nikhil and I took turns and consoled him in Tamil explaining how Neeloy was tripping and his words were unintended. The driver finally chose to forgive us and thank heaven, Sai had arrived. He took his place and enquired as to what the fuck was going on! He apologized to us before he finally devolved the goods to us. Sweet twenty five dozens of cow-dung grown psilocybin mushrooms, dried and ready to eat, the score had been made! However, Noel still seemed to be pissed of with Neeloy, he turned to me, Noel asked me to shut him up! I did the only thing I could do well, took up the role of the hopeless romantic poet! ‘It’s all fine bro, you see the clouds, you see the lights, they’re so bright and beautiful, everything is so happy, look at the sky, it’s like the beginning of some new great joyful life, it’s all so pretty, look at the lights on the hills’, Neeloy loved it, he felt much better. Well I always believed that poetic behavior is the greatest remedy to every psyched trip! And it always worked! We were on our way back home and wait was something we could not, we were dropped of at Abbas restaurant, where our journey had begun! We hadn’t had a decent breakfast, neither had we a lunch! However, walked in for dinner, Abbas Restaurant! I don’t remember what I ate, I think I had half a dosa and an omelet, I wasn’t the greatest of eaters, and at that moment I wasn’t in the greatest moods to eat. Neeloy did his appetite justice and so did everyone else. We returned to our cottage down the road after purchasing our requirements for the night, water and cigarettes. I believe it was ten when we decided to hit our sacks, but just before we did, Noel had a proposition. ‘I’m setting the alarm for two-thirty! We’re waking up, popping and watching the sunrise’.

Crazy bastards, we all obliged.

Breaking Out

Someplace on the sidewalk,
I saw a man sell his dream
Somewhere beside the driveway,
I heard an abused woman scream
Someplace in my beating heart,
I saw the lies that I was taught
Praying for a wondrous redemption,
From all the promises I had bought
Trapped within an ancient system,
Living life as a slave to some blind thought,
No longer could I be an obedient victim,
For I could not savor beauty that is not

I saw the child meddling with numbers and words,
His intelligence beyond any known man
But drilled through some system his mind slowly died,
For if he did not agree, they would not let him stand
Selfish men who altered the meaning of freedom,
Cruel men with thread-thin dangerous minds
Imposing and forcing some mighty idea
That intended the worst from behind!
If I say no, does it anger your heart?
If I disagree why does your temperament stumble?
Can you not escape the prisons of reason?
Drop down on your knees and begin to be humble!

The devil in disguise, your foolish ego,
Why do you embrace the art of hell?
Have you narrowed perception to some equation?
Are you full of answers but no hearty tale to tell?
The system is flawless, perfectly designed,
To keep you veiled from the immortal truth
But wake up, break out, how long will you slumber?
Discover the truth that was hidden during your youth!
Lies can be red, and lies can be blue,
But the truth is always sparkling white
Though we dwell in the secure cages of darkness,
One day we will break out into the light!

Edge Of Doubt

Red is red and the sun is the same,
The stars twinkled from the day they came
The sky is blue and the heart will beat,
Man always craves for his daily dose of wheat
My eyes can see and my ears can hear,
But the dreaded lies I shall always fear
The artist's cry and the logician's shout,
I try to perceive standing, on the edge of doubt

The woman's spell, the magician's trick,
The priest's sermon and the wooden stick
Each as lifeless as the sparkling stone,
But forming society's curved backbone
The poet's tale and the prophet's act
The minister's lie and his hollow pact
The flower's cry and the machine's shout,
I try to perceive standing, on the edge of doubt

The father's desire, the son's effort,
The parent duty, the lover's heart-hurt,
The fool's hypocrisy, the liar's lie,
The suicide lover's obsession to die
David's harp with it's rhythms of praise,
Lord Almighty and his glorious ways
The woman's cry and the man's shout,
I try to perceive standing, on the edge of doubt

The writer's world, the song's emotion,
Paying the con-man his stolen potion
The devil's treachery, his foolish decision,
The Lord's forgiveness and nuclear fission
The hope of mankind, the faith of a billion,
The weakness of man, the salvation of a million
The wise man's cry and the great fool's shout,
I try to perceive standing, on the edge of doubt

The leader's authority, the drunkard's sway,
Abraham's posterity and the atheist's way,
The beauty of two, but the sincerity of one,
The immense love of God's own son
The meaning of existence, the mystery of death,
The righteous God, who created man's vibrant breath,
The one truth's cry and the great lie's shout,
I try to perceive standing, on the edge of doubt

Pearl Woman

Pearl woman, I see you startled,
Wandering in thought over a flower
Your hair flows like an eternal stream,
Dancing with the raging wind
It is not that I hold some sinful desire,
To possess your admirable heart
But only to express my immense wonder
With words I know can do no justice
If I could read your abstract eyes,
Or perhaps tread the streets of your mind
I would caress your heart with sincere care
And cradle you with an eternal love

Pearl woman, the queen in my dreams,
My conscience has been captivated
My being is tied to your saint-angelic splendor
My desires have re-routed themselves
How I wish for all eternity,
To write a countless words for you
To share an innocent intimacy
With the thoughts that live in your unique mind
Worthy of your heart is one love alone,
The love that swims out God's own heart
For the heart of man does not deserve,
A pearl-heart like yours that twinkles even at midday

Pearl woman, your deeds humble yet great,
Your infallible love forever flawless
You can turn my emotions with those tender eyes,
Hold my heart hostage with simplest ease
You tend the wounds of my searching soul,
With love that you draw from the wells of your heart
You create hope in the darkest of valleys,
Sharing with me your words of elixir
You are the fabric so perfectly woven,
By the artist of life who painted the sky
An ocean of words would still do no help,
To describe your eternal heart of wonder!

Soul Market

Mary she lived two blocks away,
Perhaps the closest you'd see to an angel
Had her dreams arranged in a bouquet,
To pick and live them one at a time
She sailed her boat with the breeze of truth,
Exploring the river of righteousness
But as she arrived at the cross-waters of life,
She found herself victim to the sting of curiosity
Chose the diversion that seemed colorful,
Gleefully rowed and rowed her boat,
Put her chastity up for a price,
Accepting a culture that doomed character
Then her desires crept into her soul,
Her boiling ambition burning her mind
She sold her soul to the mundane world,
Drowning in the river of hopelessness!

Andy he lived two streets away,
Perhaps the smartest of created men
The ancient truth had caressed his heart,
How life was more than some social race
But no man wished to embrace his idea,
Rejection scourged the skin of his heart
So he put his faith in some strange leaf,
Smoked away his dreams and desires
Expanded his mind with some strange fruit,
Forgetting the walls that protected reality
Escaping the grasps of system and society,
To be lost forever in the forest of dreams
Years not many, hastily passed,
Trying to break the shackles of reason
Andy had sold his soul to his dreams,
Drowning in the river of hopelessness!

Gabrielle she lived in the room above,
A glowing lotus in the lake of love
Her heart could love like the heart of God,
Her eyes could heal the deepest scars
But those eyes were captured one weary morning,
By the sun-like glow of the golden metal,
By the hips she was grabbed by the hands of material,
Abused by the aggression of excess wealth
The want of her mind had escaped her will,
That burning need for all that glittered
Sold her virginity to some chauvinist fool,
Who held her in his fortress of wealth!
Her dreams had caught fire in the sky,
Came crashing down upon her desires
She had sold her soul to the diamond stone,
Drowning in the river of hopelessness!

The Ballad Of Simon Pierre

In the midst of green that jumped of trees,
Walked a man with a soft-like heart
Seeking purpose in an aimless existence,
Perhaps love to challenge his gifted heart
At a gateless city, he curiously arrived,
Tasting the river that flowed between
Hurt by the sting of curiosity,
His pain he entrapped deep within
Adventure he sought for his rested mind,
Perhaps tread the cliff of wisdom
But too long it did not take until,
His eyes fell upon a most divine damsel

Simon flung open the doors at his heart,
Her fiery enchantment upon his soul
The way her eyes peered into him,
Stealing the dearest of his desires
‘The spell of a woman sustains so strong,
Intricately cast on the heart of a man
I am bound I believe to this inexplicable being’
Exclaimed Simon who had kissed the threshold of splendor

And then his eyes met the robes of Sylvan,
Black with exquisite borders of red
And then he learnt more of ‘Sylvan the sorcerer’,
And how princess Armelle shared his bed
King Benedict had sold his dearest daughter,
To Sylvan’s demand that sorrowed his heart
In return for his life that the sorcerer saved,
On a cold night in the middle of a disturbed river
To the death of her heart Armelle obeyed,
Her cherished dreams sentenced to die
Her desires burnt in half a moment
Her smile exiled never to return

It took just a night for the twisted sorcerer,
To put an end to the aging majestic king
Enthroning himself on the seat of power,
Sylvan began his reign of chaos
Such matters Simon held less important,
Matters of power and matters of vengeance
For Simon had made his peace with ego,
His everlasting treaty with the power of pride
Within the reach of his doubtless heart,
The princess Armelle he safely held,
With the sword of patience he skillfully planned,
His rescue task that would ease his heart

That dreary night Simon had learned,
That Sylvan had left on some expedition
He shared a few drinks with the joyous guard,
Until the old man dropped dead on his belly
But before he could slip in he saw Armelle,
Taking a walk into the palace garden
Believing it was fate he sneaked close behind her,
His steps harder to draw her attention
Then as she turned to see his strange face,
Took a step quickly back in shocking surprise

‘Don’t fear princess, I am but a mere vagabond,
With a heart that can tell few lies too less
But a force from beyond has gripped my soul,
With the strength of which I stand before you
If it is your desire, your heart I shall tend,
If it is your will, my love you can savor
If it is your destiny, my hand you will hold,
This fateful night, where adventure I shall find
Kingdoms and lands are of my lesser interest,
That which triggered the hearts of your forefathers
But if my hand you will hold, I will show you the world,
That is beyond the grasp of desires and dreams
I am no sorcerer, I am no magician,
The earth has been benevolent to me
The Gods have showered mercy on my soul,
Giving me salvation from desire and ambition
I shall show you the splendor that is not was,
The bliss that is and not will be,
I will cradle your heart in the hands of my care,
And caress your soul with all my being
The sorcerer will search but he will never find,
For around us will be the divine protection
The protection that is a great faith in love,
That has cared for a million men who have passed
Come with me princess, the stars await,
We will climb the mountains of eternal love
Land and money shall be least of our concern,
We shall cradle each other’s hearts forever!’

So awestruck by those words of honesty,
Armelle held his faithful hand
They fled the city never to return
Placing their hearts in the fortress of love
Sylvan searched for the rest of eternity,
For something to tame his revengeful heart
But no man can defeat the promise of love,
That is the eternal word of the creator

Some place in the sky with heaven to witness,
Simon and Armelle where wedded in splendor
No man, no curse could enter the fortress,
Within which they bred their wondrous love
Love sheltered the heart of Simon Pierre,
Letting flow within, the rivers of eternal freedom
Love defeats all purpose, defeats all meaning,
Love defeats the anger of boiling revenge
Love transcends the walls of burning desire,
Into a heaven that offers righteous contentment
The fields of love are eternally green,
And its refreshing rivers forever flow!

Skies Of Salvation

Stung by fear, my heart slipped into sorrow,
Wounded stood up to slip back again
Far from the great mountain of repentance,
I wandered the glittering streets of the world
Led by the king of deceit and darkness,
Who crawled on his belly into every hole he found
Veiled from truth, I smiled at lies,
Delighted in pleasures I cherished for leisure
I sweetened my lips with poisoned honey,
My curious mind with strange nectar
The few hearts I won, I cruelly hurt,
And anointed myself with the oil of pride

I walked the gardens of pleasurable sin,
Moving to the harmony of hell’s own harps
And with the rest of mankind, I proudly proclaimed,
How I stole the virginity of nature!
How I stripped her bare and naked,
Cruelly tormented the queen of benevolence!
How I gnashed my violent teeth,
At the flesh of goodness, tearing it apart!
Blinded by evil, I fell from above,
Into a pool of cold misery
And paid a price to hell to be revived,
To further blacken my soul, and fall again

The blood in my veins burned fiery hot,
Boiling for more and some more desire
At the foot of desire like a beggar I groveled
At the foot of sin like a peasant I obeyed
My heart stitched up thirteen times,
My soul broken in two and a half
Sold to sin hopeless and wretched,
I cringed towards a little dark corner
The droplets salt-flavored slowly trickled,
And for the first time in years, I began to pray

Though the author of life I had wretchedly denied,
And spat at his image not too long ago
Though his heart I had pierced with the blade of my sin,
And his love I had hurt with ignorance
Like the wind that rages at the peak of autumn,
And the wave that roars in an angry ocean
My lover from heaven blew bliss across me,
And lifted me to his fountains of splendor
He washed my being in the river of forgiveness,
And clothed me in the gown of his love
My every tear with care he collected,
And held them dear to his loving heart
Every wound that plagued my body and soul,
He tended and healed, the king of creation
And from the chambers of his great old mind,
He erased the memories of all my sin
From the darkest corner that was in hell,
To the eternal bliss that always awaited me,
I shall always remember the unmatchable love,
That lifted my spirit to the skies of salvation!